Tuesday, January 14, 2014

20 Things That Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

I often write about the things I believe we all should be doing, trying or experimenting with in order to maximize our success and happiness. However, it’s not always the things we do that make the biggest difference in our lives; it’s often the things we avoid doing that have the biggest effect. As human beings, we have a strong aversion to not doing; we feel that in order to produce results, there must be an initial action.
However, because we are almost always doing something, piling on more and more often has a negative effect, rather than a positive one. Among the mentally strong, there are several actions that are avoided in order to produce the greatest benefit in the shortest period of time.
These actions are those that the mentally strong avoid, and that we should consider adapting as our own:

1. Dwelling On The Past

Mentally strong individuals focus on the present moment and on the near future. They understand that the past is out of our control and the far future is about as predictable as the weather this winter.

2. Remaining In Their Comfort Zone

The comfort zone is a dangerous place, a dark abyss where anyone who remains there for too long loses his or herself entirely. Staying within your comfort zone is giving up on life.

3. Not Listening To The Opinions Of Others

Only the foolish believe themselves to be sufficient in all regards. When it comes to brainstorming, ideas can’t so much be forced as they can be caught. A good idea is a good idea, regardless of whether or not you came up with it. Don’t let your ego get the better of you; if someone has great advice to give, take it.

4. Avoiding Change

What the mentally strong understand that the mentally weak do not is that change is unavoidable. Trying to avoid the inevitable is pointless. Therefore, trying to avoid change is pointless; it’s a mere waste of time and energy.

5. Keeping A Closed Mind

You don’t know everything. Even the things you believe yourself to know are likely to not be entirely true. If you keep a closed mind, you are preventing yourself from learning new material. If you stop learning, you stop living.

6. Letting Others Make Decisions For Them

Only you should be making your own decisions; you can’t allow others to make them for you. All this does is shift the responsibility from you to someone else, but the only person failing in the end is you. If you don’t have the courage to fail, then you don’t have the courage to succeed.

7. Getting Jealous Over The Successes Of Others

When others succeed, you should be happy. If they can do it, so can you. The success of others does not, in any way, lessen the chances of you succeeding. If anything, it should motivate you to keep pushing forward.

8. Thinking About The High Possibility Of Failure

Our thoughts control our perspective; our perspective controls our results. The mentally strong understand this and use this to their advantage. There’s always the chance you may fail, but as long as there is the chance you may succeed, it’s worth trying.

9. Feeling Sorry For Themselves

Sh*t happens. Life can be hard. People get hurt; others die. Life isn’t all roses and butterflies. You will fall off that horse again and again and again. The question is, are you strong enough to keep getting back on it?

10. Focusing On Their Weaknesses

Although working on our weaknesses does have its benefits, it’s more important to focus on banking on our strengths. The most well-rounded person is not the person that gets the furthest in life. Being average in all regards makes you average. However, mastering a certain skillset or trait will allow you to beat the competition with less effort.

11. Trying To Please People

A job well done is a job well done, no matter who is judging the final product. You can’t please everybody, but you can always manage to do your very best.

12. Blaming Themselves For Things Outside Their Control

The mentally strong know the things they can control, understand the things they cannot control, and avoid even thinking about that which is completely out of their hands.

13. Being Impatient

Patience isn’t just a virtue; it is the virtue. Most people don’t fail because they aren’t good enough, or aren’t capable of winning or succeeding. Most people fail because they are impatient and give up before their time has come.

14. Being Misunderstood

Communication is key in any properly functioning system. When it comes to people, things get a bit more complicated. Simply stating information is never enough; if the receiving party misunderstands you, your message is not being properly relayed. The mentally strong do their best to be understood and have the patience to clear up misunderstandings.

15. Feeling Like You’re Owed

You aren’t owed anything in life. You were born; the rest is up to you. Life doesn’t owe you anything. Others don’t owe you anything. If you want something in life, you only owe it to yourself to go out and get it. In life, there are no handouts.

16. Repeating Mistakes

Make a mistake once, okay. Make a mistake twice… not so okay. Make the same mistake a third time, you may need to consider giving up alcohol and drugs. You’re either stupid or permanently high.

17. Giving Into Their Fears

The world can be a scary place. Some things frighten us with good cause, but most of our fears are illogical. If you know that you want to try something, try it. If you’re scared, then understand that being scared of failing must mean that succeeding means a whole lot to you.

18. Acting Without Calculating

The mentally strong know better than to act before completely understanding the situation at hand. If you have time to ponder over something and cover all your bases, then do so. Not doing so is pure laziness.

19. Refusing Help From Others

You’re not Superman; you can’t do it all. Even if you can, why should you? If others are offering to help, let them help. Be social. Listen to their ideas and watch how they do things. You may learn something. If not, then you can teach them something and do what humans are meant to do: socialize.

20. Throwing In The Towel

The biggest weakness in all of humanity is giving up — calling it quits, throwing in the towel. The mentally strong go about things in such a way. Only do things if they are important to you; forget the things that aren’t important to you. If they’re important to you, then pursue them until you succeed. No exceptions, ever.

Monday, January 13, 2014

8 Tiny Personal Changes That Can Yield Huge Financial Results

Saving a lot of money is like trying to run a marathon.
If you dwell on how long the race is, you might not even get off the couch. But if, instead, you focus on putting one foot in front of the other and running one mile, and then two miles, and so on, suddenly a marathon doesn’t seem quite as intimidating.
Try to think about your finances in the same way.
Minor changes that you make right now can have a major impact on your long-term financial security, according to Stephany Kirkpatrick, senior director of financial planning and a Certified Financial Planner™at LearnVest Planning Services. Below, she shares eight quick and easy tips that can help you slowly and steadily stash away cash—and we profile real people who’ve put them to the test, much to the benefit of their bottom lines.
1. Open a separate savings account: Simply put, you want to keep your checking account and savings account at two different banks.
Erica Zidel, 31, of Boston, Mass., who runs the babysitting startup SittingAround.com, says that this is the single best thing she’s done to save money. “I kind of forget that I have the savings account, so I’m not tempted to dip into it,” she says. “Since doing this five years ago, my savings have grown 400%.”
Kirkpatrick agrees that the out-of-sight/out-of-mind mentality is helpful—plus, it usually takes two to three days to access money from a separate savings account, so you probably can’t spend it as impulsively.
2. Set up an automated transfer: It’s easy to promise yourself that you’re going to transfer a certain amount of money into savings each week or month, but following through takes an awful lot of time, energy and discipline. Take the process out of your own hands by either asking your company to regularly deposit a portion of your paycheck directly into your savings account (that’s ideal, says Kirkpatrick, because you never even see the money) or asking your bank to regularly transfer a certain amount of money from your checking account to your savings account.
“My husband and I set up an automatic transfer with our bank between our checking and savings accounts, ” explains Kendal Perez,  a 28-year-old marketing manager at Kinoli Incorporated in Fort Collins, Colo. “Each week, $50 is transferred, and we don’t typically miss it. That has helped us build an emergency fund and cover costs like car insurance and vehicle registration.” And do it frequently: “If you transfer from checking to savings, I recommend weekly transfers, because they keep your checking account more level. You won’t feel a huge dip once a month,” says Kirkpatrick.
3. Bring your lunch to work: Did you know that the average American who eats their lunch out during the week spends nearly $1,000 a year? Stuart L. Cantor, Ph.D., a 49-year-old pharmaceutical scientist in Mt. Airy, Md., used to be tempted to go to a Chinese or Indian restaurant with co-workers for lunch on occasion and drop $12 to $15 each time.
“Now I bring my lunch to work every day. Either my wife and I will cook something or I’ll microwave a frozen Indian dish that costs $1.99 for 14 ounces. I always eat something healthy and delicious, so I don’t feel cheated,” he says.
“The key to making this habit stick is to make sure you’re not taking an enjoyment factor out of your life,” says Kirkpatrick. “Have one or two splurge days if you need to. Bringing your lunch 3 or 4 days a week is still better than none.” Ask your co-workers if they want try this strategy too and eat with you, so you’ll get the same sense of camaraderie that you would at a restaurant and they’ll help hold you accountable.
4. Just add 1% … of your gross income to your retirement savings every six months. The idea is to keep doing this gradually until you reach the maximum amount that you’re allowed to contribute. Maximums can change year to year. For traditional or Roth IRAs, for example, the current limit is $5,500 (and $6,500 for those 50 or older). For 401(k)s, it’s $17,500 for those under age 50 and $23,000 for those age 50 or older. “1% is a good amount because it’s a painless but significant step in the right direction. You can live without that small amount of money,” says Kirkpatrick. If you are contributing, say, 2% right now, within about 4 years you’ll slowly grow that amount to 10% without even feeling it by following this strategy.
5. Track your spending for one month: Before you can spend less, you need to figure out exactly where your money goes. You might think you have a good idea, but many people are surprised by what they find.
Hudson Valley, N.Y. writer Virginia Sole-Smith, 32, certainly was when she used a spreadsheet to track what she and her husband spent on groceries in May and June of this year. But the exercise helped her pinpoint areas where she could slash costs. “We were spending $75 a month on individual, 6-ounce Chobani yogurts at a fancy grocery store! Now we buy four-packs and 32-ounce tubs from Stop & Shop,” she says. Tricks like this have enabled her to cut her yogurt bill nearly in half and spend 37% less on all her groceries.
To track your spending, use our free LearnVest app. Then analyze your habits and find at least one area where you’re overspending. “Pay attention to recurring costs, like cable TV bills and gym memberships. Ask yourself if you’re getting your money’s worth,” says Kirkpatrick. If you’re not, it might be time to buy an HDTV antenna (a one-time fee) or pay for Hulu or Netflix (which are recurring fees but are less expensive than cable). Or you may want to watch free exercise videos on YouTube instead of taking gym classes.
If your weak spot isn’t a recurring cost, try putting yourself on a cash diet, says Kirkpatrick. For instance, if you can’t enter a shoe store without purchasing three pairs, don’t go in there with a debit or credit card—take only a certain amount of cash, so you can’t go crazy.
6. Use a rewards card wisely: “For the past 17 years, my husband and I and our five children have saved by charging everything on my Southwest Airlines card and paying off the balance in full each month. We rack up free miles so we can visit family in Raleigh and take vacations, like a trip to San Francisco, at much lower costs,” says Andi Wrenn, a 46-year-old financial counselor in Arlington, Va.“Over the past four years, we’ve earned anywhere from 3,000 to 12,000 miles per month.” This tactic can be advantageous, Kirkpatrick agrees. “But only if you spend within your means and pay off the balance in full every month, so you have to stay disciplined,” she advises.
7. Set reminders: One big money drain can be forgetting to pay a bill—and then getting slapped with a late fee and/or having to pay interest on a credit card payment. This can be easily avoided by getting organized.
“I started using a hard copy planner (and then a few years ago, I switched to using a Google digital calendar) to record reminders throughout the year for different money deadlines, such as paying monthly bills, contacting my tax professional, reviewing insurance policies, getting a credit report and more,” says Ray Advani, 42, of Chicago, who founded the blog Squirrelers.com.
“Over the past 10 years, this has saved me about $1,000 and prevents a lot of stress!” he adds. You can also schedule alerts via email or text. “Setting reminders is a helpful strategy for people who lead busy lives,” says Kirkpatrick. “You can also ask vendors, like your cable company or electric company, if they can reset your payment due date. You might prefer to have all your due dates on the same day for convenience or it might help your cash flow to spread them out over the month.”
8. Move your savings to an online bank: “Consider putting your savings into an online bank, as opposed to a brick-and-mortar bank, because the interest rates tend to be higher, so your money will grow faster,” says Kirkpatrick. For example, if your emergency fund sits in Citibank’s savings account, it’ll earn .01% interest. If it sits in Ally online bank’s savings account, it’ll earn .87% interest. And, as this story shows, even little differences can add up.
LearnVest Planning Services is a registered investment adviser and subsidiary of LearnVest, Inc. that provides financial plans for its clients. Information shown is for illustrative purposes only and is not intended as investment advice. Please consult a financial adviser for advice specific to your financial situation. Unless specifically identified as such, the people interviewed in this piece are neither clients, employees nor affiliates of LearnVest Planning Services. LearnVest Planning Services and any third parties listed in this message are separate and unaffiliated and are not responsible for each other’s products, services or policies.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

27 Unspoken Suit Rules Every Man Should Know

1. The width of the tie should match the width of the lapel.

The width of the tie should match the width of the lapel.
It’s all about BALANCE.

2. In general, thin lapels are more modern. Wide lapels are more old-school, Mad Men style.

AMC
 
So choose your look accordingly.

3. A pocket square adds an extra level of polish, but make sure it doesn’t match your tie in either pattern or fabric choice.

A pocket square adds an extra level of polish, but make sure it doesn't match your tie in either pattern or fabric choice.
Before you go totally conservative, remember that the pocket square is where you get the most freedom and the one place you get to add a little pizzazz to your suit.

4. When buying an off-the-rack suit, the number one thing to check is how the shoulders fit.

When buying an off-the-rack suit, the number one thing to check is how the shoulders fit.
Tsk, tsk, John McCain. Shoulder pads should end at the shoulders. The shoulders are the hardest to tailor, so make sure they don’t stick out or stick up.

5. A collar gap between your jacket’s lapels and your shirt’s collar can signify an ill-fitting jacket.

 
It’s complicated. Read more about it here.

6. Opt for a charcoal or gray suit over black, unless you’re attending a funeral.

Opt for a charcoal or gray suit over black, unless you're attending a funeral.
Dark gray is more versatile and goes with more colors.

7. Your belt should be fairly thin and the same color as your shoes.

Your belt should be fairly thin and the same color as your shoes.
Union Made makes really great belts in a variety of leather and metal finishes.

8. You should match your shoes to the color of your suit using this guide:

You should match your shoes to the color of your suit using this guide:

9. Double vents in the back are more modern and fashionable.

 
This look is also more flattering for larger figures, and it gives you enough room to do that effortlessly casual “hand in pocket” thing.

10. For a more casual, trendy look, opt for a single-button peak-lapel jacket.

For a more casual, trendy look, opt for a single-button peak-lapel jacket.

11. If you’re going for more formal business attire, opt for a double-button, notched lapel jacket.

If you're going for more formal business attire, opt for a double-button, notched lapel jacket.
White Collar / USA

12. The Savile Row Fold keeps your dress pants from falling off the hanger.

The Savile Row Fold keeps your dress pants from falling off the hanger.
Watch the instructional video here.

13. You should be able to slip your hand between your chest and your buttoned jacket such that it feels snug, but with room to move.

You should be able to slip your hand between your chest and your buttoned jacket such that it feels snug, but with room to move.
David Agbodji for Barneys

14. Always unbutton your suit before sitting down, or you risk ruining it.

Always unbutton your suit before sitting down, or you risk ruining it.
Dimitrios Kambouris / Getty Images for Victoria’s Secret

15. The top button of a two-button (or the middle button of a three-button) should fall at or above the navel.

The top button of a two-button (or the middle button of a three-button) should fall at or above the navel.

16. Always go with the classic windsor knot for your tie, but use the size of your head to determine whether you should go half or full windsor.

Always go with the classic windsor knot for your tie, but use the size of your head to determine whether you should go half or full windsor.
BIG HEAD = FULL KNOT. SMALL HEAD = HALF KNOT. If you’re not sure how your head size compares, ask one of your male friends. They should be able to give you an objective opinion.

17. If you’re wearing a vest, always keep the bottom button unbuttoned.

If you're wearing a vest, always keep the bottom button unbuttoned.
But plenty of men break this rule and are still able to pull off the three-piece beautifully.

18. There are practical reasons for vests beyond just how they look.

There are practical reasons for vests beyond just how they look.
A vest is best worn with single-breasted suits (so it’s actually visible). if you’re going to be wearing your suit in a cold climate, a vest can add a lot of warmth. It also adds a formal touch to your suit.

19. Sleeve cuffs should be exposed about half an inch.

Sleeve cuffs should be exposed about half an inch.
For a harmonious look, try to match the visible cuff length to the amount of collar that is visible at the back of the neck.

20. When you get your suit home, you’ll need a seam ripper or a small, sharp pair of scissors.

When you get your suit home, you'll need a seam ripper or a small, sharp pair of scissors.
Unstitch the jacket’s pockets, remove the tack stitches from the jacket’s vents, and remove the little embroidered label from the jacket’s left sleeve. Do this very carefully to ensure you don’t actually rip the fabric or neighboring threads.

21. Make sure that your socks are long enough that there’s no exposed leg when sitting down.

Make sure that your socks are long enough that there's no exposed leg when sitting down.
No one needs to see your hairy gams.

22. Your tie should always be darker than your dress shirt.

Your tie should always be darker than your dress shirt.

23. The suit jacket should be just long enough to cover your pants zipper and butt.

The suit jacket should be just long enough to cover your pants zipper and butt.

24. Your tie should JUST reach the waistband of your trousers, or be slightly shorter.

Your tie should JUST reach the waistband of your trousers, or be slightly shorter.

25. For a more fashion-forward look, the pant hem should hit right at the top of your shoe.

For a more fashion-forward look, the pant hem should hit right at the top of your shoe.
For a more conservative look, the pants should cover the top of the shoe and parts of the laces.

26. If you sweat a lot, wear an undershirt.

If you sweat a lot, wear an undershirt.
Shutterstock
Preferably one with a deep neck so it doesn’t peek through. Nothing will cheapen the appearance of a suit more than a glimpse of undershirt.

27. Finally, go for the dimple.

Finally, go for the dimple.
The dimple is the little hollow beneath the knot of your tie, and it gives a slightly disheveled yet polished appearance to your finished look. Check out this handy guide on nailing the tie dimple.